How can I help my kids in their self-esteem and emotional intelligence?

Self-esteem is a person’s belief in their self-worth. People with high self-esteem believe that they are capable of achieving their own goals. Moreover, it is the belief that other people see you positively the way you see yourself.

On the other hand, emotional intelligence (or EQ) is the awareness of one’s and others’ feelings: how to express it appropriately, and how to handle and control it, and how to use it to build, connect and understand people around them. If our children have low emotional intelligence, it can affect their self-esteem as they grow up. Not knowing how to regulate feelings and how to empathize with others can affect the relationship one builds with peers and loved ones.


Repeated success is critical in developing self-esteem; if the child achieves success in different areas, belief in himself/herself will grow. The possibility of them discovering their strengths is higher if we give them a lot of opportunities to play. Play can evoke different kinds of emotions that parents /mentors can use as an opportunity to teach children how to express and regulate their emotions. Play can also lead to many victories and self-discoveries for children.

Experiencing repeated victories from their tasks in school at home or at play can help their confidence grow.

Being part of a family or a community consistently is essential in developing quality relationships with peers. Teachers must allow learners to feel that they are part of a community, accept them, and make them belong. If children feel accepted and belonged, they are freer to express their emotions.

Thus, the opportunity for parents and adult helpers to support and help them be aware of their emotions, coaching them to self-regulate, and repeatedly doing this can help develop their emotional intelligence and self-esteem. If learners are growing emotionally, they will have less destructive behavior. AS such, learning opportunity grows, and the learning community directly benefits from it too.

The parent’s goal is to develop values, beliefs, and positive attitudes of children, and that is only possible if we offer them repetitive experiences throughout the year. As values and positive feelings about themselves are repetitively instilled in a long-term period, behavior changes and growth occur as it takes a long time for neutron development in the brain to be established.

Self-esteem is nurtured mainly by the adult or guardians of the kids at home and eventually by significant others outside homes like schools, churches, and communities. They play a crucial role in creating an environment that helps in the learners’ self-esteem and emotional intelligence.


It is the role of parents or teachers to plan activities that are not too challenging for children and that the possibility of success is high. On the other hand, the task must not be too easy as well that it will not challenge their capacity. Giving them jobs that are not easy, but through knowledge of their ability, you will know that this will help them develop resilience and confidence in the end.

To accurately assess the learners’ capacity and limitations, reflective practice is indispensable. Helping the learners discover their strengths and weaknesses, developing their strengths, and even recognizing the strengths of others are healthy practices that can positively affect the learners’ self-esteem and emotional intelligence.

Children need to see their parents or teachers being supportive and encouraging to other learners so they will not be fearful of making a mistake. Parents should act as role models to them on how to handle or communicate with someone positively.

If someone is having a bad day or in an emotional outburst, the adult must set an example of how to handle those intense feelings by listening and accepting the emotion not overreacting and judging. In the long run, parents’ goal is to build a family environment where it is safe for the members to express themselves.

Regular open discussion and receiving praise from each other are also helpful in developing self-esteem. These practices should be initiated by parents/teachers regularly.


In summary, being emotion smart can help children build great relationships around them. Children that are good at relating to others have high self-esteem. Parents and teachers can help children grow in their self-esteem by helping them experience repeated success and by praising them intentionally. Emotional intelligence needs to grow if we want our children to have high self-esteem.

For more inspiration in creating a family culture that promotes emotional connection, visit our Emosyon Bibo® website and follow our Instagram and Facebook pages.

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